Studies have shown that starving yourself and self-harm both release certain chemicals into the brain and can cause a sort of addiction. So, while I have never had a true chemical addiction, I have had these sort of combination behavioural/chemical addictions. It is possible to have an “addictive personality,” which is influenced by a number of factors. I have mood and anxiety problems which make any kind of escape a powerful draw, and my family has quite a history of addiction. Therefore, when I went away to college, I was aware of the possible consequences to drinking.
I did not drink in high school. None of my friends did, so there were not really any opportunities. When I got to college though, I made friends who did drink. One of the first weekends of the year, we were sitting in a dorm room with a bottle of vodka. I wasn’t planning to drink as all of my medications say not to drink when on them. But, I was curious and, frankly, I thought being drunk sounded pretty great. I did not get drunk that first night but drank enough to get a little tipsy. I was a big fan. After that, I became increasingly determined to drink every weekend, and it made me angry if my friends weren’t drinking because then I had no alcohol. I looked forward to drinking all week.